This week I…
Made a wreath – after years of wanting to I did it! On a drive around Queenstown last weekend I spied some beautiful pine tree branches that had fallen onto the road in some recent winds. Into the back of the car they went which left it smelling lovely and pine scented. Then on one of the more colder days we had this week (-6 degrees C!!!) we ventured outside to dig up the frozen sandpit and I made the wreath. It did take two days of outside play and managing the boys but so pleased. It has held up well already in a southerly storm and looks so good. Very wintry. Now for some mulled wine!
baked : chocolate scones and bliss balls
cooked : my favourite noodle recipe (here from My New Roots). I could eat it everyday.
drank : lots of Rooiboos tea with Almond Milk
read : Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali and Lost in a Good Book by Jasper Fford
wanted: to find a way through and back to myself
played: a lot! I was a digger, a truck, a chicken eating food, a horse, a train track developer, an air traffic controller, a sky diver, a dancer and a pilot
decided: that I need to look after myself. Angry, frustrated days (or just afternoons) are not okay for anyone and it’s time to really shift out of the negative thinking and stop struggling with motherhood. It is better to “embrace the fluidity”. But, how…
wished: to be able to do yoga everyday. Actually I wished to just go to the loo by myself without someone yelling for me!
enjoyed: the pizza at The Cow in Queenstown. Sitting in old stables in front of a fire after some ice skating!
waited: for my children to get ready a lot. Or at least waited for them to let me help them get ready while also allowing their independence. An art in itself.
liked: the lovely Yoga for Menstruation sequence by Yoga for Adrienne and watching Peaky Blinders.
wondered: about what it will be like to fly to Vancouver with two small children. Arghhh! Are we crazy!!
loved: the moments of peace, sitting in the sun with a cup of tea, watching my children play together and giggle backwards and forwards, lots of baby kisses, my 17mth old coming up to me from behind and wrapping his arms around me and saying “Mama, Mama” in his small voice, the beam on my 3 and a half year old’s face as he pushed the penguin around on the ice skating rink and the ever changing views of the Southern Alps from my windows!
pondered: when or if we will ever be in our own “dream” home, our country home.
considered: finding a yoga class or training to be a yoga teacher.
watched: the fireworks for the beginning of the Queenstown Winter Festival
hoped: to do some yoga – and I did, yay!
marvelled: at the amazing questions my oldest asks occasionally like “are there volcanoes on Venus?” And that I didn’t slip over on any of the treacherous black ice on Friday morning! And that getting out some really old un-cookable mung dahl for my boys to use as digging material inside has lasted days – the best activity ever!
needed: to remind myself that it is okay to be lazy and still at this time of the year.
smelled: lots of pine!
wore: lots of layers. Two layers of socks and leggings and jeans and so many on top. It was so cold earlier in the week.
noticed: that sometimes I just don’t breathe and that makes it all more stressful.
knew: that if I didn’t keep finding a way to wholeness then I will not be the mother my children need.
thought: lots of negative thoughts this week. Low self-esteem and then the “I’m not good enough” story and “I’m a bad mother” story and then “I really should do x, y, z”. Lots of brain work to do next week!
sorted: through my lovely pinterest pins to work out what I might wear to a friends wedding in two weeks. Elegant, stylish, warm and child friendly!
bought: lots of new staples for the pantry.
got: an adult colouring in book. Yes, I did and that’s okay. Whatever works! But, then had to buy a special one for the eldest as he wanted to colour in it!
disliked: our broken rental garage door. In this cold weather it stops a foot from the bottom and takes about 10 goes before it goes all the way up. Not good when it is -6!
opened: up a returned book I had lent someone Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Looking forward to getting some more tips.
giggled: at my eldest wanted to dance with no clothes on!
felt: mostly okay with stabs of unhappiness. Sometimes I just don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to be pushed, pulled, prodded, climbed on, demanded of, yelled at etc. I just want to be able to breathe and not feel so frustrated with boundary setting and whininess and general “normal” toddler behaviour. Some days are lovely and others overwhelming and I wonder when will I be more.
snacked on: dates filled with almond butter.
coveted: a full night’s sleep.
helped: the eldest to pick out letters – so amazing how the brain learns!
heared: people shouting in amazement as they parachuted down to earth near our house!
looked: for a way to be okay with the long game of motherhood
**Thanks to Jodi from Practicing Simplicity for the list and inspiring me.